Self Love

I don’t know what’s been in the water lately, but relationship turmoil has been the talk of the town. I feel blessed that my relationship with Nick (my singing, farting, boogie bear) is still going strong after four years. Our relationship is not perfect and we have had a many screaming matches that seemed like we were on the verge of breakup. Communication is the key, and even though at times you want to stab your partner in the eye because you are so frustrated, it will get you nowhere.

Sometimes behaviors don’t change. Boundaries will be crossed, deal breakers will be broken and you have to ask yourself…is this relationship worth all the heart break? My girl friend shared her breakup letter with me and I think it's BRILLIANT. It shows inner strength, honesty, and most importantly self love.

_____,

I had hand written this letter to you on one of my many sleepless nights but I did not know how to get it to you so I am sending it to you via email. Sorry for it being so impersonal but I can't do it in person so this will have to suffice.

I have thought about how this letter was going to go many many times. Sometimes it was angry, sometimes sad, but it never seemed to sum up what I really wanted to say to you. So with that, I am just going to write from my heart and hope that you understand.

As I sit here I think back to the good times. You trying to kiss me on the hammock, wrestling on the beach, finding the big dipper, our wonderful late night snuggles and it makes me smile. It was perfect, we were perfect. However good they were the time has come for me to move forward with my life while you remain stuck to the past. You are to insecure to stand up for me but more importantly stand up for yourself and what you want. Or at least what you said you wanted.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that I need you because I don't. I WANT more than anything to be with you but I don't need you and am no longer able to tolerate the treatment I have been given. I can trust you no longer. You have shown through your actions what is really important to you, which is not our future. I am not willing to sacrifice mine and continue to get hurt while you decide who you want to be with. What is important to me is honesty and integrity in every aspect of life even if it means hurting someone you care for. Honesty is always the best policy.

You have been too afraid to break things off with _____. I will never understand why or what you were so afraid of because being stagnant and settling for something less than what you want is not something I have been or will ever be willing to do. To me that is worse than letting someone down when you know in the long run it will be better for everyone involved. Putting off the inevitable is exactly that... it will never be easy or a good time to do what needs to get done.

So here I am showing you first hand that it is possible. I am saying goodbye to us, to you, and to the future I was so excited about because it is the honest thing to do. I am not going to try to sit here and cushion the blow by saying we can be friends because I can't. Not right now. I need time to heal. You really hurt me and made me question my worth and I need to gain that strength back. I don't want to see you because it hurts too much. Please leave me alone. I will always wonder what could have been and know that it would have been perfect. I just wish you had been able to see that yourself.

Thank you for the good times, good luck with the rest of school. You will make an amazing nurse. Try to learn to stick up for yourself because you deserve the world and should really start acting like it.

Take care,
Lo

Lo’s “ah-ha” moment:

“This past week has been filled with wild emotions for me. After many sleepless nights and pros and cons lists, I gave my beautiful, strong and to the point letter to a guy whom I wish would see a future with me. At first I thought my “Ah –ha” moment was just having the strength to stand up for myself and my values, but I was wrong. That was growth on my part but the real “ah-ha” moment came after all this when I was feeling really down and pretty much on the verge of tears.

I kept asking myself "Why did he do this to me?" “Why can't I have a man?" "Why am I attracting these kind of men?" Pretty much just wallowing in my misery and getting deeper and deeper into a depression. I was letting the sadness get to me and I could see it affecting my life.

My boss said something to me that got me thinking. He said, "don't worry too much, worry will get you know where." I sat on that thought for awhile and then had my true Ah-ha moment. I can't control what is happening around me. I can't control how these people are treating me but I can change my reaction and choose to make an effort to avoid such situation again.

The next morning I woke up and said “I will not let anyone or anything affect my mood"

My time is valuable and I learned to tell people off when they are taking advantage of that. I learned that my thoughts are inclusive of that time and I should be filling them with uplifting thoughts, not devaluing my self worth because other people made me feel that way. I cannot allow someone else's insecurity's bring me down.

I think it’s funny that even though I told this guy to never talk to me again, I wish he would call me over and over again saying he wants to be with me. I am a sucker for happy endings, or for the Hollywood ideal happy ending I should say. Like every girl, I just want to be wanted. I am now starting to realize that maybe the happy ending doesn't necessarily involve two people; it should really involve you and your relationship with yourself. Maybe someday he will realize but until then my time is mine and I will continue to move forward with life not dwell on the past. Each day is a new battle. Sometimes I get angry still, sometimes sad but
for the most part I am at peace. I will take this experience and learn from
it.”

Let this be a lesson to every person who thinks they need a significant other.