Don't mind the word vomit

Ok.

So I have been absent for a while…trying to get my thoughts right. It’s been a crazy few weeks for me and I am just trying to sort everything. I apologize for the word vomit in advance.

One of the things that have been plaguing me lately is that I feel guilty for missing my old life style.

Nick and I went to the Candlelight on Monday as usual. It’s a way that I can start the week off right by listening to fun music (thanks Keegan and Fam) and get some good people watching in. For some reason I really love the Candlelight. It’s nothing special, just a typical dive bar.

What I have realized is that this place symbolizes the old Pam.

Old Pam used to go out during the week, get trashed, party, meet people, break rules, listen to good music, and wander around without a care in the world. New Pam is sober and is stoked if she even gets out once…and it’s usually not at a bar. I have a plate full of responsibilities and sometimes I feel bogged down. I am not going to lie. I kind of miss old Pam. I feel like I am old and boring at the age of 26. SO NOT RIGHT!!!!

I know I need to focus on all the good things I have going on in my life because of my sobriety. Maybe I need to go to more meetings or meet more sober friends. Maybe this will all change once I see some income coming in from my projects. Who knows….maybe I need to see a therapist to get my thoughts right. My head is all out of wack.

It’s just one of those weeks.

Maybe I need some alone time.

Cheers,

P.Hobbs

Pic via drburtoni

Take a Freaking BREAK!!!

This week has been pretty difficult for me to stay “positive”…not gonna lie and say it was brilliant. I think the Universe is trying to teach me a few big life lessons. I tend to deal with life like this: keep busy, busy, busy and I won’t have time to freak out.

That’s what I do…I work. If I am not working, be it at my actual job or at home with all my side projects, I kind of freak a little. I went outside my comfort zone and I decided to embrace absolutely nothing last night which was a first for me. Instead of jumping on the computer and producing leads and blogging away after work…I watched TV!! If you know me, you will understand that this is something I don’t really do. I was raised not being allowed to watch TV except for a few hours on the weekend, so it’s not really a pastime.

I will admit that despite the caffeine withdrawal headache (another story, another time), last night was quite relaxing. I think my brain deserved a day off. Of course I am back to being a busy bee and I was running around like a pollo loco…not the food chain…but I feel better about my crazy week.

I think that is the key to life. Sometimes, you have to force yourself to have a day off. You deserve that. I have had to learn work/life balance. If you don’t give yourself some free time, you will burn yourself out and then you will be completely useless. Schedule “downtime” in to your planner if you have must. I am a Virgo and need structure so this works for me. I even bought a planner so I can sit down and so this…

What do you think? When was the last time you did something like this for yourself?

Pic via Emdot

Remember to Nurture your Relationships

What an interesting week for me. First, I want to thank Tim Brownson for answering a personal question on forgiving others/self for me. He has the answer posted on his “Ask the Coach” section. Kind of strange for all my personal baggage to be out there…but HEY, I HAVE A FREAKING BLOG, and that’s what we do. We put it all out there!!!

Anyway,

Nick and I had a great discussion last night about our relationship and the fact that it’s been kind of blah lately. We realized that we take each other for granted. We just expect the other person to always be there. Nick and I have not nurtured our relationship and hence we have gotten to this point. We are frustrated and have a lot of resentment towards each other.

So, in an effort to make our relationship better…we have made a pact to spend more quality time together. Quality time does not equal sitting on the couch watching TV. When we find free time, we will force each other to get out of the house and do something, even if it’s just going to the gym or taking a walk, as long as we do it together.

After the conversation we decided to take a trip to the coast. Nick hasn’t been there since we moved to Portland and I thought it would be a great drive. I’m a sucker for cruising wherever as long as there are good tunes.

Here are some pictures from our trip.

I hope you have a blessed weekend.

Cheers!!

P.Hobbs

Making an Impact

Pic via Angela McDonald

"If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room."

- Anita Roddick

(Founder of the Body Shop)

I have been thinking a lot about volunteering lately. I have not made a huge effort in the past to put aside time to volunteer my time, but the times I have it has made a major impact on my life. At the end of October, a few friends and I (10,000 of them) will be traveling to New Orleans to help restore the “Big Easy” and to be part of one of the largest volunteer efforts in the city.

It makes me think about what I can do in my own city. I know there are many opportunities in Portland to give a helping hand and I will be looking for good organizations to be a part of. My friend Nona is a Big Sister and it has made a big impact on her life. I am thinking of taking the plunge myself! Mentoring is something I have been passionate about and I think that I am in a place in my life where I can be of service.

I will keep you posted on any developments!!

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

Forgiveness

Pic via yoyolabellut

Life has gotten the best of me and I have been too darn busy to blog. I promise to get it together soon!!

Something I have been thinking about the past few days. The Universe is REALLY urging me to learn how to do this with grace. I have been struggling. Any thoughts on how to forgive?

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
Mahatma Gandhi

Thursday Thoughts

Pic via Norma Desmond

1. I think cutting my hair was the best thing I could have done in LA. It has done wonders to my self esteem.

2. Even though I may not agree with my friend’s decisions, I have decided to still love them. This was not the case in the past.

3. Ah-Ha moments sometimes come at the most inconvenient times. That’s the Universe throwing you on your ass.

4. My affirmations are starting to come true. If you have not made positive affirmations for yourself, I recommend you jump on that bandwagon.

5. Steve Pavlina is my freaking hero. Sometimes he gets off track on his blog, but I love his articles none the less.

6. When you tell people who are not internet savvy that you blog, expect a weird expression and half hearted laugh. Most of them don’t care what you do on the internet, until you tell them you can make money blogging. Bastards.

7. I have to realize that other people’s actions are not a reflection of me.

8. For the next fiscal year, my goal is to travel more. I will be going to New Orleans in October and I think that is going to open a lot of doors for me. Traveling makes me happy and I have decided to make it a priority.

9. I am seeing John Butler Trio and G.Love at Edgefield on Saturday and I am SO incredibly excited. Sometimes you just need to treat yourself to something amazing.

10. What kind of vibrations are you sending out to the Universe? Are they positive or negative? Check the script because you can totally change it if need be.

This is whats going on in my head today...
Cheers.
P.Hobbs

Just Listen to the Universe

Pic via Computer Science Geek

“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you, and you don’t know how or why.

Albert Einstein.

Sometimes we need extra help and guidance in our day to day lives. Some times life becomes so chaotic that we just need a little help. Well, if you actually listen to what your thoughts are telling you, you might hear something profound.

Some people believe that angels follow you through your life and watch over you, giving you little messages throughout the day. Others believe that our intuition is much more powerful than we give it credit for, but we just don’t listen to it.

Here is the deal: Regular meditation will allow you to be more aware of these messages that are given to us on a pretty regular basis. Make time to actually listen to these messages. We are such busy people, running from place to place, that we never take time to sit still.

Put aside time each day, even if it’s only 5 minutes. Sit and let your thoughts move through your mind, like clouds moving through the sky. Don’t dwell on anything. You can even ask questions like “What can I do to increase my sales goals by $1,000” or “How can I save money for my Mexico trip.” You can ask yourself whatever you want. You will be surprised what the Universe gives you for an answer.

Be ready to write it down and take action. If you don’t write down your thoughts and visions, you will probably lose it. I have done it before, and I get so mad. I will wake up with this awesome idea, and because it’s so awesome I think I will remember it in the morning. Not so much. Keep something to write your thoughts down on with you at all time.

Now that you have done all this, take action. All of the steps leading to this would be a waste of time if you didn’t do something with your knew knowledge.

Remember, you have to believe this will work in order for it to work.
Let me know how it goes.

Cheers.

P.Hobbs

“The heavy is the root of the light.
The unmoved is the source of all movement.
Thus the Master travels all day
Without leaving home.
However splendid the views,
She stays serenely in herself.
Why should the lord of the country
Flit about like a fool?
If you let yourself be blown to and fro,
You lose touch with your root.
If you let restlessness move you,
You lose touch with who you are.”

Lao-Tzu, Tao-te-Ching

“Direct your eye right inward, and you’ll find
A thousand regions in your mind
Yet undiscovered. Travel them and be
Expert in home-cosmography.”

Thoreau, Walden

Sometimes you just have to sit, be quiet, and let things be the way they are. Try it sometime.

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

ps. It takes practice.

Pic via Kevin Labianco

My Angels are Trying to Tell Me Something!!

Pic via Aelena

When I was down in LA my friend Dana bust out her Angel Cards. Angel Cards are a lot like Tarot Cards except the cards you pull are messages from the angels that watch over you. Trip out, right?

When Nick, Dana and I were driving to Orange County, I pulled 3 angel cards. Before I pulled my cards I asked for guidance regarding my purpose in life. I pulled these cards:

"Daydream"
“You will more easily hear and receive our messages if you daydream regularly. Relax and open your mind to receiving, without directing your thoughts. Just notice any feelings, visions, or ideas as if you were watching a movie. This is the seat of creativity.”

"Life Purpose"
“The purpose of your life is to serve in a way that brings great joy to yourself and others. Don’t worry about finding your purpose. Instead focus upon serving a purpose, and then your purpose with serve you.”

"Opportunity to Forgive"
“This situation brings you the opportunity to heal, grow, and release negative patterns. Hold the intention of seeing the other person’s inner Divine light and goodness. We will help you release un-forgiving thoughts, feeling and energies and lift you to a higher place of peace and compassion.”

When I said goodbye to Dana on Wednesday she asked if I wanted to pull 3 more angel cards. Of course I said HECK YES. This time I asked my angels about what I should focus on for my 26th year.

This first card I got was the “Opportunity to Forgive” card. Dana told me that the Angels will give you the same card over and over again if this is something really important for you to work on.

After that I pulled the “Ocean Card”

“The deep blue sea speaks to your soul, healing and soothing you. Even the act of imagining yourself dipping into its healing womb brings about desirable effects. Better yet, spend time physically near the ocean. Allow its power and beauty to wash away all cares and concerns.”

I then pulled the “Wedding Card.” I know…I know…

“Marriage is the union of two souls joined in love, mutual respect and commitment. It’s signifies a desire to deepen love over time. Your wedding day is a testament to your well-founded faith in love’s power. Continually breathe life into that faith and love, dearest one.”

I am really excited about my 26th year. I know great things will happen this year. I am going to push myself to another level. I am going to place all my wants and needs out to into the Universe and I know I will get something great back. I have faith.

Cheers.
P. Hobbs

LA Birthday Vacation

Now that I have somewhat recovered from my birthday “vacation” to LA, I thought I would post pictures and tell you about my adventures.

Thursday Night: We got into LA around 10pm. Nick started driving like an INSANE LA driver without missing a beat. We did a late night grub at In-N-Out and passed out. In-N-Out is a Cali thing, and unless you have lived in Cali you would not understand why we made it a point to go.

Friday: I chopped my hair off. Was able to donate about a foot of hair!!

(before, locks of love, after)

Dana (soul sister), Nick, his friend Pasha and I ate at the Good Earth. Half way through our meal, John Voight said hello to Pasha and then proceeded to eat lunch behind us. Only in LA. Dana and I escaped to the mall to hit up H&M for cute new gear. We then had dinner with the family. Even my Auntie from Singapore was there. After that, the “family” and friends met up. We ended up going to bed at 430 in the morning after spending the night chatting with everyone. BAH

Saturday: Lunch with Nick’s family and Orange County adventures.

Sunday: Took my Auntie to LAX so she could go back home to Singapore. We then went to dinner at Little Malaysia. They serve the BEST local Singapore/Malaysian food in LA. No one can compare.

the food coma hit HARD

Monday: BIRTHDAY AT DISNEYLAND. My 26th birthday was the best birthday I have ever had.

I won.

Tuesday: I met up with all my old regulars and friends from my coffee shop. We said goodbye to some friends. Nick and I went to dinner with our good friend Pete. His new company is amazing and I am so proud of him for killing it 7 days a week. We even went to a meeting and saw our friend get a 90 day chip. Sobriety is the way of the future.

Wednesday: Nick and I ended our vacation by saying goodbye to MORE friends and family. We left LA tired and ready to sleep in our cali king.

Leaving LAX

Reflecting back on our trip, I know I tripped out for no reason. I also realized that I am so much happier living in Portland than living in LA. I have also come to the conclusion that I will do everything in my power to be able to travel more often and possibly make a career out of it.

New birthday goals will be posted soon.

Have a safe and fun holiday weekend!!
Cheers.
P.Hobbs

Vacation Time

Pic via Peter Nijenhuis

As you know, I am finally on vacation!!! It feels so crazy to be back in LA. I have realized so many things about myself and this town while being on this trip and I have only been here for two full days! I am constantly observing and evaluating every situation I am put in. I know the Universe is teaching me something right now and I just have to be receptive to it.

I am going to take a few days to enjoy my birthday (on Monday), relax and contemplate what goals I want to accomplish during my 26th year.

If you are wondering what I am doing on my trip, follow me on twitter. I will post pictures and my official thoughts on my trip when I come back. Until then, be good.

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Piv via Tzatziki

I have been saying that a lot. “Shoulda Woulda Coulda.” Nick and I have been chatting about our upcoming trip (God we leave tomorrow??) A LOT and he always talks about how we could have saved money or how we should have planned a longer trip or bla bla bla. My answer is always “shoulda woulda coulda.”

Why dwell on what you should have, would have, or could have done. It does nothing for your present moment. I could have done a lot of things in my past but if I sat and meditated on all of it, I would drive myself crazy. What I can do is learn from my mistakes and make better decisions in my future.

Someone once told me that instead of journaling all the things that went wrong, why not journal about your top five successes for the day. What if you did that every day before you went to bed? I wouldn’t be surprised if you spent your whole day looking at everything from a more positive point of view. Perspective is a funny thing.

Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

Change is Hard!

Pic via Rofanator

“Our lives improve only when we take chances –

and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”

-Walter Anderson

Every once in awhile you have to check your personal inventory and dump the stuff that isn’t working for you. Jack Canfield said, “Successful people face these circumstances squarely, heed warning signs, and take appropriate action, no matter how uncomfortable or challenging it might be.” I know a lot of people who are good at admitting there are issues they need to work on. However, they never do anything about it. What good is that? Personal change is hard, but when you can look back at something monumental that you have overcome, it makes you feel so strong.

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”

- Aldous Huxley

The Gym? Eeeek!

Pic via Austinevan

As you read last Sunday I had my quick and dirty breakdown. In honor of last Sunday, I am working on one thing each week to help put me back at number one on my priority list. My first step was to leave work on time and I actually did it. It felt amazing to leave when I actually scheduled myself to leave.

My plan for this week is to get back into the gym. Mhhmmm. I know. It’s going to be painful. I figure, if I have the blogging community to hold me accountable, I will be too embarrassed to blog about NOT going to the gym. That is motivation enough, right? So my goal is to make it to 3 different classes at 24 hour fitness before we leave for LA. To help the motivation factor, I am going to make it a mix of my three favorites: spin, yoga, and Pilates. God, help me.

I have had some reservations about our upcoming trip, but I can honestly say I am excited to leave Portland for a few days. I am not excited to turn 26 next Monday, but I am excited to be around all the people I love.

Are you going to be working on any personal goals next week? Let me know how it goes for you.

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

The Company You Keep

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
-Jim Rohn

Have you ever thought about the company you keep?? Maybe you could be more successful if you surrounded yourself around people who don't drag you down.

What are your thoughts on this?

Pam's Chart and Virgo Horoscope

Just for fun I thought I would post my chart so you can see why I am the way I am. Have fun trying to figure me out!

And here is the Virgo horoscope via Astrology.com

You like your routines, but every now and then you like to shake things up, too.
Right now, you'd rather try something new than stick to the tried and true, so
think laterally and come up with something sweet!

Hmmm....hopefully tomorrow's is better.

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

Thursday Thoughts

Pic of NW 23rd via Portland Ground

1. Why is it so damn hot in Portland today and why don’t apartments in Portland come with AC?
2. Money, Money, Money. Steve Pavlina is so inspiring.
3. Book Club. We are officially starting book club next week. We have to come up with a snazzy name so if you have a good one please share. The book we are reading is Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss. I will be re-reading it tonight!
4. LA. I am starting to look forward to it. After talking to Dana last night while she was falling asleep, I realized that I need to shift my focus to the people I adore down there.
5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOLO. You are so incredibly loved you have no idea.
6. Sydney’s Café in Portland is absolutely AMAZING. Not only do they have a Vegan friendly menu, their espresso is to die for. Tim and the rest of the staff are really amazing. Thank you for an uplifting experience.
7. Shopping. My friend Lyndsey and I went shopping on NW 23rd and heard this spoiled 20 something year old call her mom an ass…and was completely serious. Karma is a bitch and I hope it hits her hard.
8. Jewelry. I am designing some new jewelry. I hope to build an esty shop soon.
9. Twitter is crack. Follow me! If you have not signed up, you should! Its loads of fun and you can text in updates. Brilliant.
10. My mom. Thank you for being you!

What is on your mind right now??

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

If I had all the time and money in the world....

Stock Photo

I had this work meeting yesterday and we played a fun ice breaker. We were given five personal questions to answer on a piece of paper and the group had to guess which person said what. Well, one of the questions was if you had all the money and time in the world, what would you do? I answered: I would travel the world (with my bf who has never stepped foot on non-US soil...absurd I know!), take pictures and blog about my experiences.

Thinking about it after the fact, I would add one more thing. I would volunteer while I traveled around the world and write about that too. Plus, I would love to see Nick experience the joy of helping people less fortunate than he. Nick has such a big heart but has never had the opportunity or taken the time to reach out to the needy. I think it would be life changing for him.

Ever since I was little, I have been blessed with traveling abroad. Having your passport is something that is completely normal to me, and if you don't have one, it just baffles me. My mom is from Singapore and is one of 11! All but 3 of her siblings live in Singapore. I have cousins in England, Australia, and Japan. That isn't even counting the 2nd cousins. We have a family that stretches across the globe.

Being able to travel to countries and see how other people live has really opened my eyes to how awesome I have it here in the US. It also opened my eyes to other cultures and I learned to be respectful of the cultural differences we share. I learned so much at a young age that growing into adulthood and not being able to travel and have the same experiences due to financial constraints pisses me off!

Hence, my answer to the ice breaker question. I would love to document the journey and share my experiences with people who don’t have the financial means to travel and experience life outside our 50 states. There is so much for us to learn from each other. In a time when we seem to be at war because of our religious and cultural differences, I think it’s important to take notice that behind all the bloodshed, we are all people who struggle through life. If everyone just reached out a hand and helped someone in need for the sake of helping, think about the world we would live in.

Anyway...those are my thoughts for the day. What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world?

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

Happiness

Pic via Donna Cymek

Going through your quarter life and navigate through it with a smile on your face can be difficult at times. While I was reading my favorite blogs today, I ran across this post at The Change Blog.

Advice on how to be happy used to be the purview of self-help
gurus. However, over the past few years scientists and psychologists have begun
to give serious study to the subject of happiness. Although they’ve discovered
that about 50% of happiness is determined by a person’s genes, and another 8 to
10% by life’s circumstances–such as income, health, and marital status–, the
remaining 40% is up for grabs. In addition, scientists have found several ways
to create true happiness, six of which are explained below.

1. Find Meaning
2. Increase Daily Pleasures
3. Seek Flow Experiences
4. Cultivate a state of mind that conducive to happiness
5. Practice Acts of Kindness
6. Stop thinking “if only…”

Check out the blog for details. A little extra happiness in your life won’t hurt you!

Cheers!

P.Hobbs

Quick and Dirty Breakdown

Posting this video simply because I love this song.

I had a quick and dirty metal/emotional breakdown last night. I learned one of the most important life lessons one can learn. What’s funny is that I thought I had already learned this lesson, but apparently I got back in the same bad habit. The universe had to hit me in the face with this lesson. My swollen, puffy eyes were proof this morning.

If you can learn one important lesson during your short stay here on earth, it is to put yourself first. Sounds so easy, right? NOT!

Here is where it all went wrong for me....I thought I had to work 12 hour days to be a good store manager. At the end of the day, I have no energy to go to the gym. I also find myself wanting to take care of people and end up in one way toxic relationships. I have MASSIVE anxiety about my upcoming trip to LA. My crappy body image even showed its ugly face last night. Where does this all stem from? Not putting myself first.

If I put myself first, I would work 8 hour days like normal retail employees. Then I would have enough energy to get my butt to the gym and have the best work out of my life. If I did that on a daily basis, my guess is I would feel a lot better about myself than I did last night. If I worked out my body image would get better, and then I wouldn’t have so much anxiety about walking around all the beautiful people in LA. If I put myself first, I would know when to get out of a toxic relationship instead of staying in the relationship to feel “needed.” I need myself, damnit.

This 30 minute breakdown took 2 weeks to manifest. I didn’t really see it coming. I blamed it all on hormones. My mom always said not to blame your emotions on PMS. There is always something underneath; the PMS just magnifies your emotional state regarding said issue.

Let’s see if I can keep this one going. I will let you know how it goes.

To do:
Monday. Check.
Tuesday. Get there when I wake up at 615.

Cheers.
P.Hobbs

Virgo Horoscope

Pic taken from Horoscoper

According to Astrology.com's, this is today's Virgo horoscope:

You may feel a deep and abiding curiosity for a new topic or person, so dig inand see what you find! It's a good time for you to lay aside old issues or projects temporarily and tackle something big.

What would be considered “big?” I HATE it when horoscopes are so vague (i know, i know...they are always vague)!! Well, I did meet up with my friend Nona and we decided to have a book club before she moves to D.C to chat about a book on past life regressions. Would that be considered tackling something big?

P.Hobbs

Insecurities

Pic of Portland Coffee Cake taken by Brook Rademacher

Why am I feeling so darn insecure today??

Maybe it has to do with the fact that Nick and I are traveling to LA for my birthday in a few weeks. Sigh. Birthdays. I love celebrating birthdays, just not my own.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am turning 26 and I am not a millionaire yet. One of the many affirmations that I put on my wall in Sherman Oaks was “I will be a millionaire by the time I am thirty.” I still have not figured out how to reach the goal. Any ideas???

MAYBE…it’s the fact that 2 months ago I swore to myself that I would lose 15 pounds before we traveled to LA and I then I gained 6 pounds. Killer Combo = stress + Starbucks Portland Coffee Cake. BAH.

Maybe it’s just the fact that I am traveling back to LA. I never felt like I fit in down there. I always felt like kids looked down on me because I didn’t wear $300 jeans and designer gear. I never felt skinny enough or pretty enough. I know I know…who cares.

MAYBE it’s the PMS talking and I will wake up tomorrow and the bloating will go away and I will feel like I am queen of the world again.

Yeah. I’m going to go with the last one. I am blaming it on the hormones.

Self Love to the Highest Power

Pic by Seahorse Photography

There are times when you meet someone and you swear you have known that person your whole life. That's how I feel about my friend Dana. I know for a fact (no past life regression needed) that we have shared many of our past lives together. Since the moment we met each other, we have had a pretty strong bond. She is one of my soul sisters. This is her email to me about one of her recent "ah-ha" moments. She allowed me to share it with you...

Like most kids, I had a rock collection growing up... I found them everywhere and some I polished myself with my very own rock polisher! There were beautiful ones- shiny, colorful, exotic... ones that you never want to lose or forget. There are the average filler rocks that usually get tossed and replaced every so often... and then there are some really jagged, spotted, cracked rocks that are so intriguing because of the dirt, the grit, the drama.

I got to thinking that the process a rock goes thru is not too different from life actually… As a rock, you spend most of your time getting caught up by the elements. I've spent most of my life like many others in a frenzy of ego, confusion, emotion and passion. But each time, another chance comes along to smooth out the rough edges once again and hopefully take the next round a bit more gracefully.

“To live is to be aware. Serenely, divinely, completely aware.”

I have come to truly believe that each and everyone of us are radiant, brilliant, perfect. I guess somewhere along the way, we forget. We become conditioned to thinking that we have to swim upstream and suffer in order to get what we want and thus be happy. How twisted we have it.... We create something that isn't there... drama, chaos, confusion, fear. All of which are nothing other than a lack of love. The ego would have me believe that surrendering to something higher than myself means giving up, admitting that I don't have all the answers and control. Time and love have only reminded me that that surrender is the biggest indicator of strength there is. You can't fully experience life and love til you surrender, because only then are you fully open to the divinity that flows thru your veins.

That divinity, call it Jesus, Buddha, Angels or Shiva has given me the most beautiful miracles in the form of my friends. I was recently reminded of just how blessed I am when my soul sister, Pamela, served me up a big ol slice of humble pie. It's funny how the deepest expressions of love come to you sometimes. In this case with was a amazing friend offering a nugget of honesty with no tinges of judgment but only love and support. These are the a-ha moments that I have learned to just get in, hang on, shut up and listen to. Like rare gems, you don’t want to let go of a great friend’s word.

So now I humbly ask am I focusing on the circumstances of my life instead of the lessons? The answer- the circumstances are the tools. Be involved in them. Feel the pain of loss and the elation of victory. Let compassion work its way into my soul. I vow to ride the wave and thus I pray for my desire and priority is inner peace. I want the experience of love. I don't know what will bring that to me, so I give the details up to someone who knows better…

As I think about my rock collection as an adult, I realize there only ever was beautiful rocks... some of them just needed a little more polishing.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling down or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom goes on as fruit.
~Dawn Markova


Self Love to the highest power.

Cheers.
P.Hobbs

Christian the Lion

My friend Lolo sent me this YouTube link last night and I just about died. It has to be the sweetest video ever. If you are feeling a little down, let this warm your heart. If you are already feeling fabulous…this might put you over the edge. Beware.

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

Finding Serenity

Pic taken by Today is a Good day

Nick and I look forward to watching Intervention every Monday. As weird as it sounds, it helps us in our recovery. It’s our weekly meeting with A&E. Every time I watch it I think about the steps and the Serenity Prayer.

Pic via Holly Monroe

People use drugs and alcohol to escape reality. It’s a way for people to feel in control of their life that may seem out of control to them. Some things we simply don't have control over. Dealing with control is my problem.

I love to control my surroundings and I strive for perfection in (almost) every aspect of my life. This prayer reminds me that some things I don't have control over. Learning to let go of things and accept it for what it is, is one of the biggest lessons I have learned in my twenties. I have not perfected the act of letting go but my life has gotten a lot easier.

Hope this helps.

Cheers!

P.Hobbs

Giving Thanks

Sellwood Waterfront Park, Portland Or

Picture taken from Portland Ground: Pictures of Portland Oregon

A year ago I moved to Portland, Or from the lovely, sometimes burning hills of Calabasas, Ca. Calabasas is known for being the back drop for many awful (but oh so lovely) reality shows like the Newlyweds and Keeping up with the Kardashians. I think the Dash family does a lovely job showing how the average millionaire in Calabasas lives. It’s a scary, yet true depiction of a suburban town that houses celebrities, their family and kids, and their random teacup dog breeds.

After I graduated from California State University, Northridge with my B.S. in Business Admin., Marketing (so what if I didn’t go to USC, I did pay for it myself…no Mommy and Daddy paying this bill), I decided to step out of the rat race and live amongst what I deem “normal” people. Living in Portland has been a God send. Instead of trying to out dress tweens wearing Louis Vuitton and out live 40 year old house wives who shop for a living and swipe their Black titanium American Express Card like it’s a Starbuck’s gift card, I can finally be Pam.

I am poor, I wear second hand clothing because I can afford it, I make handmade jewelry because its way better than store bought Claire’s, I am sober, and I finally feel like I belong somewhere.

A home made gift I made for my friend Staci. Vegan friendly.

Despite the craziness at work and the random turmoil at home, I am thankful for this: Having a job, friends, a house, a man and a life to live in Portland.

Cheers!
P. Hobbs

Visualization Light

Today my friend Becca joins the Quarter Life club. She is now in Pittsburg getting her Masters and I am so proud of the growth she has made the past year. Becca lived down the street from me in Sherman Oaks when we were both living in LA. It was heaven having her live so close. Half way in between us was 24 Hour Fitness and we always motivated each other to get our butts to the gym. If we happened to walk to 24 in the afternoon, we had a particular ritual to get us amped. It was silly, but it worked.

At the time, I was reading one of my many self help books, and this particular one said that visualizing your success would help you reach your goals faster. So B and I put this thought into action. When we hit this one traffic light (aka the visualization light), where the gym was in plain sight, we would start visualizing having the best work out of our life.

While visualizing our life changing workout, we would spontaneously jog in place, pretend to wipe sweat from our brow, grunt, stretch, give each other high fives…basically do whatever to get us totally amped. People in LA like to stare at weird people, so of course we got crazy looks. Not to mention, this light happened to be at one of the BUSIEST off-ramps in LA, so multiply the looks times ten. The beauty of it was, we didn’t care. Every time we walked into that gym we were pumped and ready to sweat. 98 % of the time when we got out of the gym, we claimed it was the best work out of our life, and that was the point.

Now think if you could do this in every aspect of your life.

A nugget of info from Daniel Teitelbaum’s book:

Most of the top performers I’ve interviewed have told me that they have always been able to visualize future successes in tremendous detail…and along with that, may of them have told me that they have felt that having this trait gave them an enormous level of belief that they had the power to create their lives as they wanted.

In this day and age, almost all of the world-class and Olympic athletes are trained by sports psychologists to vividly visualize themselves winning way before they start their competition…because they know that by calling up the powerful emotions of victory before they start to play, these athletes program themselves and put themselves in the mindset to find a way to win.

Make it happen. We are only a quarter of our way there. Think about what we can really accomplish in our life time if we use our imagination to our benefit.

Happy Birthday B. Remember to do it for you and no one else. We love you.

Picture by the Shopping Sherpa

Cheers.
P.Hobbs

Gratitude

Photo by Ravange

Sorry for the absence. Life has been pretty hectic lately and unfortunately QLDM sat in the backseat for a few weeks. The blog is now sitting shotgun and I am refocusing on things that make me feel good. I have reconnected to the blogging world and caught up on my favorite blogs and fell across this post, which reminded me of a few, healthy habits I had in LA.

Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. In addition, behavioral and psychological research has shown the surprising life improvements that can stem from the practice of gratitude. Giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress.

After watching The Secret (I know I know), I started carrying around a gratitude rock. When you put the rock in your pocket in the morning or take it out of your pocket at the end of the night, the rock reminds you to reflect on all the things you are grateful for. So, I have started to carry around my gratitude rock again.

If you are one of my friends, beware, you might get a rock from me.

Let us start the new week being aware of all the many blessings we have in our life. I hope this week goes better for you than last week.

Cheers.
P.Hobbs

Only for today

What a wonderful weekend! It’s always hard to go back to work after 3 days of fun and carefree activities. I found this and it reminded me of my life purpose.

"The daily Decalogue of Pope John XXIII":

1) Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without
wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once.

2) Only for today, I will take the greatest care of my appearance: I will
dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behaviour;
I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to improve or to discipline anyone
except myself.

3) Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to
be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one.

4) Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all
circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes.

5) Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good
reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so
good reading is necessary to the life of the soul.
6) Only for today, I will
do one good deed and not tell anyone about it.

7) Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and if
my feelings are hurt, I will make sure that no one notices.

8) Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to
the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils:
hastiness and indecision.

9) Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the
good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world.

10) Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be
afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for 12
hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I
had to do it all my life.

To conclude: here is an all-embracing resolution: "I want to be kind, today
and always, to everyone".

Self Love

I don’t know what’s been in the water lately, but relationship turmoil has been the talk of the town. I feel blessed that my relationship with Nick (my singing, farting, boogie bear) is still going strong after four years. Our relationship is not perfect and we have had a many screaming matches that seemed like we were on the verge of breakup. Communication is the key, and even though at times you want to stab your partner in the eye because you are so frustrated, it will get you nowhere.

Sometimes behaviors don’t change. Boundaries will be crossed, deal breakers will be broken and you have to ask yourself…is this relationship worth all the heart break? My girl friend shared her breakup letter with me and I think it's BRILLIANT. It shows inner strength, honesty, and most importantly self love.

_____,

I had hand written this letter to you on one of my many sleepless nights but I did not know how to get it to you so I am sending it to you via email. Sorry for it being so impersonal but I can't do it in person so this will have to suffice.

I have thought about how this letter was going to go many many times. Sometimes it was angry, sometimes sad, but it never seemed to sum up what I really wanted to say to you. So with that, I am just going to write from my heart and hope that you understand.

As I sit here I think back to the good times. You trying to kiss me on the hammock, wrestling on the beach, finding the big dipper, our wonderful late night snuggles and it makes me smile. It was perfect, we were perfect. However good they were the time has come for me to move forward with my life while you remain stuck to the past. You are to insecure to stand up for me but more importantly stand up for yourself and what you want. Or at least what you said you wanted.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that I need you because I don't. I WANT more than anything to be with you but I don't need you and am no longer able to tolerate the treatment I have been given. I can trust you no longer. You have shown through your actions what is really important to you, which is not our future. I am not willing to sacrifice mine and continue to get hurt while you decide who you want to be with. What is important to me is honesty and integrity in every aspect of life even if it means hurting someone you care for. Honesty is always the best policy.

You have been too afraid to break things off with _____. I will never understand why or what you were so afraid of because being stagnant and settling for something less than what you want is not something I have been or will ever be willing to do. To me that is worse than letting someone down when you know in the long run it will be better for everyone involved. Putting off the inevitable is exactly that... it will never be easy or a good time to do what needs to get done.

So here I am showing you first hand that it is possible. I am saying goodbye to us, to you, and to the future I was so excited about because it is the honest thing to do. I am not going to try to sit here and cushion the blow by saying we can be friends because I can't. Not right now. I need time to heal. You really hurt me and made me question my worth and I need to gain that strength back. I don't want to see you because it hurts too much. Please leave me alone. I will always wonder what could have been and know that it would have been perfect. I just wish you had been able to see that yourself.

Thank you for the good times, good luck with the rest of school. You will make an amazing nurse. Try to learn to stick up for yourself because you deserve the world and should really start acting like it.

Take care,
Lo

Lo’s “ah-ha” moment:

“This past week has been filled with wild emotions for me. After many sleepless nights and pros and cons lists, I gave my beautiful, strong and to the point letter to a guy whom I wish would see a future with me. At first I thought my “Ah –ha” moment was just having the strength to stand up for myself and my values, but I was wrong. That was growth on my part but the real “ah-ha” moment came after all this when I was feeling really down and pretty much on the verge of tears.

I kept asking myself "Why did he do this to me?" “Why can't I have a man?" "Why am I attracting these kind of men?" Pretty much just wallowing in my misery and getting deeper and deeper into a depression. I was letting the sadness get to me and I could see it affecting my life.

My boss said something to me that got me thinking. He said, "don't worry too much, worry will get you know where." I sat on that thought for awhile and then had my true Ah-ha moment. I can't control what is happening around me. I can't control how these people are treating me but I can change my reaction and choose to make an effort to avoid such situation again.

The next morning I woke up and said “I will not let anyone or anything affect my mood"

My time is valuable and I learned to tell people off when they are taking advantage of that. I learned that my thoughts are inclusive of that time and I should be filling them with uplifting thoughts, not devaluing my self worth because other people made me feel that way. I cannot allow someone else's insecurity's bring me down.

I think it’s funny that even though I told this guy to never talk to me again, I wish he would call me over and over again saying he wants to be with me. I am a sucker for happy endings, or for the Hollywood ideal happy ending I should say. Like every girl, I just want to be wanted. I am now starting to realize that maybe the happy ending doesn't necessarily involve two people; it should really involve you and your relationship with yourself. Maybe someday he will realize but until then my time is mine and I will continue to move forward with life not dwell on the past. Each day is a new battle. Sometimes I get angry still, sometimes sad but
for the most part I am at peace. I will take this experience and learn from
it.”

Let this be a lesson to every person who thinks they need a significant other.

Wanted

Photo by Macieklew

I’ve been whining about seeing the movie "Wanted" since the previews came out. Nothing can hold me back from watching Angelina in an action movie. She can make the straightest female swoon. To avoid the hot and humid Portland weather (yes it does happen) we decided to catch a matinee screening of "Wanted." It was definitely worth the overpriced tickets.

I won't give anything away but only say that I left the movie asking myself, "What am I doing with the rest of my life?" I have gone over that question in my head time and time again. Since I can remember I used to cry that I wasn't good at anything. Living with a genius sister can do that to you.

Hitting my quarter life, the question has been even more prevalent. If you haven't thought about this at one time in your life...ummm...I suggest you do so now and stop wasting precious space on this earth. Stephen Covey addresses this question in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” He goes through this exercise with the readers. It changed my life. Let me share it with you:

[Imagine you are at YOUR own funeral….scary thought right??]

“As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first from your family, immediate and also extended – children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service.

“Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

“What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?”

People constantly think about the things they want to do or the things they want to have. My “I wants” have always shaped the goals in my life; I think most people go through life that way. Maybe other people’s wants are affecting you. Your parents, who always tell you what to do or how to live your life, could be affecting you. Your loser friends could be an influence on your life goals and you don’t even know it.

Stephen Covey’s "7 Habits" have made me look at my life in a totally different way. If anything, this passage from his book has made the most impact on my life. Think about it, this strips away all the “I wants” and makes you dive deeper. Think about your current state. Can you say honestly that people will say the nicest things about you? Are you selfish? Are you negative and constantly complaining about everything? Do you always gossip and talk about others behind their back?

Is that what you want to be remembered for? Start living your life with this in mind. If this intrigues you, get “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” If you are open to it, it will change your life forever.

Now, what do you want to be remembered for?

Cheers!
P.Hobbs

The Birth

Adulthood: (enter definition here)

Some people reach adulthood with grace and poise, others stumble upon it in a drunken stupor. We often hear the term “quarter-life crisis,” and until you experience it, you have no idea the power it has over you. Yesterday you were an angst-filled teen and now you are twenty-something with bills, a job, and parents constantly asking “what are you doing with your life?” YOUR life suddenly becomes a world of what ifs, should Is, could Is, and how do Is.

I left the world of friends and entered the world of self help books, with Jack Canfield and Stephen Covey being my new best friends. Others deal with their crisis by going out and getting wasted every night and not dealing with reality at all. There has to be some kind of happy medium, right?

So, this is the birth of Quarter Life Defining Moments. Oprah (yes, I watch a lot of Oprah) always talks about the “ah-ha” moments in life, and I would like to share some of my friends and my own defining moments into adulthood. Some stories will be serious, some not so serious, but all will let you reflect on your own life and your actions leading us and the people around you into adulthood.

My dad is a pilot and talks about hanger flying. It’s a term pilots use to learn from others mistakes or experiences when flying. Let us learn from each others stories as we navigate through this insane world to hopefully one day reach our true potential as adults.

Cheers!
P. Hobbs

If you would like to share your "ah-ha" moments with me, please email me at phobbs82@gmail.com